Lunacy

Sit I in darkness, she engulfs me, protects me
The rains soothing the wounds- calmly
Self wallowed in sadness, brutal and gory
Even you cant see- what this pain has done to me

Tear I into my own flesh, rip open wounds
Look into past, now my present- tis hollow
What now will the future hold? Is only sorrow
Twitching are my nerves, body extinguishing

My reflection is a serene me, in a white gown
Hair long and curly, my mirror so shows
Dancing merrily, envious to many
A glorious me, tempting and sensuous

And suddenly am being mocked, laughed at
Was stripped, naked- my body ghastly white
I still was dancing, like as though possessed
“She is a bloody lunatic”!! Voices started echoing

Even my own reflection is stabbing me
A refection so true, can’t be deceiving
I may be am a freaking lunatic
That’s what the world calls me- mad

Am crying, solemnly, for my eyes are dried
My body screams, my soul prays death
Am in pain, sorrow mighty killing me- slowly
But even you failed to see- what this pain has done to me

This love

Estranged and deserted, clueless my path

Standing in the middle of nowhere- lost

My mind guided my feet, felt blindfolded

A serene so this new word- felt divinity

Or were my senses dead, my heart numb?

That even pain and misery felt like a hymn

This is what your love did to me! Cripple

Never did you realize- your love was evil

You gave me everything- I later realized –

Tis was all at a price- even my sanity.

Now I hold tight to myself- for I feel cold

Alas! you played it well- u had me poisoned

Your love like opium had me addicted-

Though hemlock like tis love- destroyed me

I can’t live without your company- lonely

Neither can I live with you- I don love you

You never loved me- noble wretched!

You loved love, hidden you hated me

Tempting was your compassion, blasphemy!

But o what use? Am dying- at last mercy

You deceived me, or was I deceiving myself

I will miss you, your love so true, unique

But I was never worth it, was a bolder truth

Am leaving- bodily- I have lost, so have you!

Liberation from thou beast

Stand I alone, stripped ripped and torn
Cold have I become, shiver, I mourn
Cry blood I, tears- daggers through my spirit
Veins pop out, stare I at my wrist
Had tried to win friend and foe
Failed I always have, bow down low
Plead; beg mercy- trials pain I undergo
How much more pain? No more
Wait I lone, hear my heavy breathing- sore
Death now to me is sweet, I pray
She ll kiss me soon, in penance- I lay
Tis dark now, the winds howling
Am under this tree, the sky is crouching
Light is my fear, don want to see morrow
Die I must now, no more pain- sorrow
I feel now detached, all means insane
Body now feels, cold- tis has started to rain
This alas is liberation. Cry I to mighty-
Lift me, unchain me, have on me pity
For u must kill the beast nurturing in me
Lest to this world- I shall be a lunatic-a plea
Plea that am slain, for it’s the world-
That has made me mad, pain unfurled
No more, can I yell- cry for justice
I am abandoned, loneliness its is
The beast is me- I am the beast
My very life its very feast
Die I must, now- soon- the essence
Pray I death, liberation- my sole penance


Mridula

The kiss o death

She had become his walk, his oxygen.

“Whole o this universe- I shall give u,

Warmth in infinity and love unmeasured.”

Had shown his love – her face in the moon.

“With diamonds I shall laden my love-

I shall fight all wars and conquer you”:

He hence seeking pleasure in pain..

But the lady could not his love return-

As like some defect right from birth.

she thereby in pleasure seeking pain.

The man had but sworn on himself-

“Till my last breath I shall wholly-

defend my virgin love for u!”

Saying so he hid away from her

Weeks passed by, called had she unto him.

She finally with him was running to him.

Her eyes swollen, sunk an fiery red .

He with his passionate eyes looked into

“I cant bear ur separation” she yelled.

Sadly my warrior-“ I do not love u”

Their eyes met- kissed he had-

On her white pale weak palms.

Horror struck- saw blood gushing out-

Out of her sensuous mouth- she fell

Her frail curled body in his lap.

Sadistic- had met in a graveyard

Bloody tears trickled down his face

Was sinking deeper, she was dying

Drowning in the ocean of her blood

“Am a mighty ocean and you a pond

I shall engulf you and make u mine,”

His words echoing in her head.

“I swallowed crystals o cyanide”-

She gasped- “Am sorry” she cried

“I had to unchain you- imprison you”

Am sorry-

Wealth Paradoxes

Infinite a kingdom, Wealth galore
Golden paths, bejeweled the roads
Food in plenty, water immortal
Luxury at your call, material pleasure
Far in distance, palace there be
Sparkling in gold, diamonds spree
Inside now, silence emptiness
Shut doors and windows, darkness
At the Lord’s feet, by the wall
In sight the only being, whole o the kingdom
Lay motionless, & curled this soul
Looks the prince, the crown said so
Young he was, say 19- but hath all aged
Pain in his eyes, in the air heaviness
Frail he appeared, lost in his robes
Handsome and witty, now was worn
Looked at me he, tears in my eyes
For some sorrow, story grief there lies
As my tears trickle, said the royal-
“I too was merry, then cried now dry
Rise thou stranger, arise and hear
The kingdom you see- personifies my life
Has all the material wealth, but none to rejoice
Life too had had everything, but no peace, lone
Life orphaned me, silence my guardian
Am locked within these walls,
Tis not a palace, but a dungeon
My life too is so- prison, cant escape
Love, hate, pain, joy, success, failure
Friendship, wars, betrayal, rejection, pleasure
Faced it all, sorrow the only permanent
Was abandoned, seek now I peace
Now I pray to the Lord, death
For, what is life? Without living
Grow I the poison ivy, tis my life is filled
With poison”
His voice cracked, may be a tear drop
The light seeped brilliantly- through the glass
“Turn now, to ur life” he said
“Ask not for things, though pray for peace
Destiny and life has its ways,
Eternal is peace, so pray”
Thought I ll take him, with me, to life
But then saw the chains, he was tied
“Tis not a palace but a dungeon”
His words echoing in my head.
Beyond pain, I saw, state o calm
Walked I away, now puzzled more in life
“PEACE IS ETERNAL- SO PRAY”

Trauma


Am crouched against a wall in my death cell,
In another few hours, I ll die- knew that well.
I know I am not immortal for I am not God-
But this urge to live-please let me live o Lord.
I am just 18 years young, having seen very little,
Am brimming with passion, talent and mettle.
Its claustrophobic in here, flames engulfing me-
I am drowned in my own blood, I barely could see.
The clock is ticking, my heart beat haunting me,
Is there not a way out, oh supreme power it’s a plea!
I now see at a distance a hooded devilish man-
In his hand a knife, drill and the blade of a fan.
I wanted to scream, but words failing to come out-
“you are a f**king mad man” I faintly did shout.
The smell of my blood and sweat, it makes me puke,
Hot bloody tears trickle, I am hoping for some fluke.
I think he is now slowly and steadily approaching,
Every gradual step of his frantically threatening.
My death was going to be gruesome and slow,
Tis a deathly situation, my thoughts did not flow.
Finally did enter and he bored into my eyes-
Whistled some deathly tune and said time flies!
“How does thou want to die? U squirmy squid!”
His voice echoing, noises twirling in my head.
He bellowed-“Hurting u physically simply no fun!
Tormenting & torturing u mentally is what will be done.
Has been a few weeks now, am in a mental asylum-
Cant exactly recall what had happened, am today glum.
He had drained my spirit, my soul, my entire life-
I would have bettered my death by a bloody knife.

Mridula

Nirvana

Lost one, lost all -am alone I fear
Loneliness no longer fear-but part o thou-me
What is life? I question, air water oxygen
Losing your most beloved, trust, company
Is that life- I ask, doseth not sound death?
Pain leads to pleasure and pleasure to pain
Joy to sorrow, sadness to happiness- tis the same
Again to live is to die and dying you live
If life then balance? Balance – salvation?
Salvation, the path to the abode o Lord
Lord- peace-the blissful taste o calm
Occureth a vision- A bridge, stream and land-
A Church, open coffins, peace I see, feel
Crosseth I shall- and seek nirvana
A state where all means the same- am free
Life is death, love is hate, pain is pleasure!
Have set foot into a new path- silence
Am alone, none to pull me back, I cry, teary
Tis a journey- an adventure, quest to life
Slowly shall I leave everything- am quitting
None matter to me now- i ever mattered to none!
I walk, begin, settest heart soul body-
Finding peace, calm, bliss, harmony- am on my way
seeketh NIRVANA

Mridula

My Masked Face

My face has become a wonderful mask-
Hiding actual emotions an easy task.
My feelings have hardened now,
Spirits within me at its highest low.
I have lost trust in all relationships-
I believe they ‘r things just on the lips.
I open my eyes & look into a reality-
And see people who lack basic morality.
But wait! Is this not the awaited test?
The one which torments us at its level best!
I know everything around me is an illusion,
So I ask myself- is this life’s compulsion?
My eyes take me into a very great depth,
The fear of loneliness has into me crept.
My greatest fear is alas! Loneliness-
The pangs of separation in me causing madness.
Where are those people? Who held my hands?
They who vouched will walk with me all lands!
Have they all failed to recognize me?
Or they deaf and blind to my plea?!
Or is it that I am gone and have died?
That people can just no longer mind.
But wait! I think I can see a lit lamp-
And also hear voices, but they are damp.
“She has gone into coma” they say-
“She might for ever on this bed lay”.
And then the voices became faint-
I am alive –yet no longer aint!
I walk down further in search o my identity,
I am amidst corpses finding my live entity.
“Come back right now! We need you” I hear-
The voices seem from right behind my ear!
I look up high above and barely did see,
Different people looking right into me.
They throw down the ladder of hope,
And I start climbing onto this rope.
I now open my eyes and see my near & dear,
They all hug me tight amidst joy and cheer.
“But there is a huge scar that is left on me-
That which on umpteen trials also did not flee.
I am with my friends and family again,
But my life has come with a heavy bargain.
I am not my same old self anymore-
Am like a soulless person thrown off shore.
I am today pained, battered and lonely,
But me being this way- I guess is reality.
For my face is after all a wonderful mask-
Hiding actual emotions my only task.









Mridula